Image via Wikipedia

It’s been a while since I wrote a reflective post, and I came to realize that perhaps why some may seem to miss who I am in all of it had something to do with what I have posted in the past.  I think I have finally gotten to a point were I can realize that since I transitioned that I was internally growing more so than anything else (though bodily changes also occurred).  Growing I have undergone, and growth I am yet to undergo have and will have a hand in transforming my point of view.  In that sense I have transformed at such a rate that comments, thoughts and blogs from as little as 2 years ago (perhaps as little as 6 months ago) are no longer pertinent to how I think now.  Obviously some core values are the same, but there are things I didn’t understand then that I have come to understand.  But on the outside, there is still a certain degree of assumption, probably more than many other demographics because well, lets face it…  I am a transsexual woman after-all.

The perceptual disconnect -

That in and of itself is enough to cause a disconnect in the minds of others, or a disjointing of facts with rumors and opinions, some true some false.  I think where most people drop the ball in that regards revolves around what I’ll refer to as “gender biased motivations“.  When it comes to being a transwoman, many of those assertions of motive revolve around the misconceptions of male motivation in our culture.  In that, what I am saying is that people may often assert my behaviors have a culturally known masculine (or male-related sexual or otherwise) motivation.  What happens afterwards when people make an assertion about my motivations, is they make a judgement about actions that regards that motivation on the premises they decided on.  This is really a bad way to understand another person, especially having no first hand experience of a person’s demeanor, actions, character or otherwise.  Words can also fail to convey character at times, though popular convention tends to lean the other way.  But the essential of the disconnect is an inability or an unwillingness to listen to what another person has to say over personal bias, obstinance or self-righteousness.

So what are the most basic assertions you can make about things people say in the profiles, essays, blogs, or statements.  Assuming the words were used proper to their meaning you can derive that from it with reasonable certainty.  You can also derive intent, though sometimes intent isn’t inherently clear.  You can most certainly assert how someone feels about a specific topic as a cross-section, but what you can’t do is draw a consistently, accurate conclusion about the type of person they are form small samples.  This also counts against accuracy when you are dealing with a person whose concept, thoughts, personality or life are in a state of dynamic flux.  To some degree that is true of everyone, so you must concede a level of uncertainty with regards to any indirect observation of someone’s character, to a degree direct observations as well especially when short in duration.  However, long term follow-up, and observation tends to reveal more consistent and accurate results.  But why?  Well because a position is an assertion based on personal convictions, rationale, and/or the evidence they have that lead to said assertion which can also change over time and with newer evidence.  Assertions can be very profound, and insightful but false depending on the evidence that persons’ logic is based on.  You can’t know intuitively all that another person knows to find the reason they conclude A or B, so certain aspects of character are invisible to you through the lens of internal analysis.  So at a glance you can’t know someone fully or completely assess the nature of their character.

DaVinci's Depiction of Man - Image via Wikipedia

As a human being, you can’t assert with certainty the reason another person feels a certain way, or holds a specific view, and you especially can’t assert that they “know what you know” when you compare their assertions to the way you understand the issue.  It’s all a matter of perspective.  Because experience is the moderator of perspective there is always going to be piece of evidence that leads to positions and assertions that you are going to be unable to obtain in a manner of fact.  So does this mean there can’t be a consensus if you can’t find that specific “pertinent evidence” without having X or Y experience?  No.  This is where communication can come in and fill those gaps…  What you have to do is listen to the other person’s position in-depth, and grant or deny the premises of those things which are outside of your sphere of experience, or possible experience.  Communication is key to understanding.  You can’t ask a person to be understanding when you haven’t shared the evidence you have for your position, nor can you expect them to.  Sharing your evidence doesn’t mean they’ll agree with you because people can come to different conclusions with the same evidence, or be unconvinced by available evidence.

The same applies in reverse, you can’t understand another persons position unless you open yourself up to their position, evidence and experiences that are clear to them because of the experiences.  Each person in that sense has “Unique Knowledge/Experience” that is outside of the scope of another person’s perspective.  As such, there are many things we can’t assert about another person without asking them and granting many of their internal premises.  The process of granting premises, evidence from experience, and other such positions in interpersonal communication is the make or break point in understanding.  Another persons premises may completely contradict something you’d already come to understand, or know, or they may seem to be too subjective, objective, abstract, or concrete for the way you rationalize details.  Sometimes a person’s position can be driven by neurotic obsession, or other times by a painful personal experience that can collude a person’s ability to grant that premise or position.

A depiction of communication - Image via Wikipedia

However, without communication there is no way to resolve this.  Communication in and of itself does not guarantee understanding, but understand is strongly affected by empathy, compassion, and other instinctual emotional reactions that tend to govern morality in humans.  A person in a state of cognitive dissonance is going to frequently if not always be unable to understand your position if the subject of that position is the cause of said cognitive dissonance.  Cognitive Dissonance arises when trying to process two statements as both true or both false when those two concepts exist in contradiction to each other.  This happens quite often with religion and issues with accepting and protecting GLBT people.  A person can experience cognitive dissonance with realizing the valid positions and real needs of GLBT people coupled with the religiously accepted position against homosexuality, et cetera.  Sometimes those positions can even come from GLBT people of religious inclination.

Situational reasoning may dictate that they take a different position on homosexuality, but they can still exist in a state of cognitive dissonance when dealing with bisexuality, pansexuality, polyamory (though I am not polyamorous), or transsexuality.  So the statement that transsexuality is a real thing that is as immutable as homosexuality is in contradiction with the opinion that transsexuality is a “social construct of gender” issue or “a form of bodily mutilation” prohibited in many religions.  However those assertions that transsexuality is a myth or delusion exists in contradiction to scientific evidence, the personal experiences of gender from transgender people, and as a result can be a point of misunderstanding for many.  For a person to accept both premises would create a state of dissonance.  However, as can reasonably asserted in that situation, both can not be true at the same time.  One position is valid, while the other one is not.  Sometimes people of a differing opinion might state that, “I see both sides, and I have my own opinions” or “I am neutral and taking no sides”.

How this applies to Gender/Transsexuality –

Conversationally speaking though, the previous could be considered something of a cop-out in interpersonal relationships.  Seeing multiple sides of an opposing view-point does not mean they are all valid given circumstance, especially when it comes to an issue as complex as gender identity.  Consider the following positions as examples (under the understanding that the standard method of treatment in Gender Identity Disorder is transition therapy when appropriate determined and managed which is factual policy guidance and established procedure):

Position A states as follows:  (The Assertion of Gender Identity is not a real thing. Therefore any assertions that someone made external changes on its basis is invalid, though the disordered state does show a need for some form of “intervention” the now accepted methods seem to miss the central issue, or treatment acknowledging and not challenging “Gender Identity Based Motivation” as a falsehoods seem to be shortsighted. [This assertion accepts that Gender Identity Disorder is a problem, but rejects the premise of Gender Identity.])  Position A would be supported by statements that Gender Identity is a myth, that people who transition are delusional, gender confused, or just need really stringent therapy.  It would also be supported in a statements that quote that a persons’ individual basis for gender identity as wrong and changeable.

Position B states as follows:  (The Assertion of Gender Identity is real, and is an immutable characteristic.  Therefore any assertion that someone made external changes on its basis is valid, and the prescribed methods of treatment which address the primary issue (Gender Identity), and affirming “Gender Identity Based Motivation” as true seem to be proper. [This assertion accepts that Gender Identity Disorder is a problem, and accepts the premise of Gender Identity as immutable]) Position B would be supported by statements that Gender Identity is part of one’s biological state regarding sex, that transition is a necessary treatment of that incongruity. It would also be supported in statements that quote a persons’ individual basis for gender identity as valid and intrinsic.

Position C states as follows: (The Assertion of Gender Identity is real, but is a mutable characteristic.  Therefore the standardized treatment method seems too superficial, and seems to be a preference issue that is hardly and “pressing matter” that needs drastic measures to resolve.  The obvious solution seems to be to conform or adapt one’s internalized perceptions to allow them to accept their birth assignment, and fore-go the hazardous and superficial changes to body and anatomy.  [This assertion rejects that Gender Identity Disorder is a problem, and accepts the premise of Gender Identity as mutable.])  Position C would be supported by statements that Gender Identity is real, but is ultimately a superficial characteristic that really isn’t of any real importance.  It would also be supported by statements that quote a persons’ individual basis for gender identity as valid but changeable.

Analysis is the process of breaking a complex topic or substance into smaller parts to gain a better understanding of it. The technique has been applied in the study of mathematics and logic since before Aristotle (384–322 B.C.), though analysis as a formal concept is a relatively recent development.

Now that I have set up three examples of simple and common positions when it relates to transsexuality I will talk about their relationship in more intimate detail.  Some of the following may be inconvenient to hardliners of either of those three positions, so brace yourself.  As a general rule depending on circumstances all three positions can be valid, just not at the same time as they contradict each other.  What I am saying is that some people come to assertions about gender identity on invalid premises, for some those gender identity assertions are superficial, and for others that gender identity assertion is very real.  The positions reflect the a reasonable course given the individual premises.  But this is back to where communication plays a role because it affects the validity of the arguments at hand.

Evidence, observations, follow-up, and the scientific method can be applied to make a reasonable conclusions about which position is valid for a given situation.  However, where this process breaks down comes when people refuse to see the evidence, refuse to follow-up, and refuse to use sound methodology to come up with their conclusions.  In these cases, some people will tend to default to a specific position which they will either refuse to change, or be unable to draw evidence that would lead them to the correct conclusion.  Positions in an absence of evidence are opinions, and opinions can lead to in certain circumstances of extreme and biased perceptions to bigotry and discrimination.  The above arguments could have Gender Identity, and transition substituted with Homosexuality, and Homosexual relationships with proper criteria and language and have the same meaning though the statements are going to be proportionally different about when they are valid and when they are not.  Not all arguments are valid at the same time.

However, once a position is determined to align with evidence, you must accept that position as true (which can be harder said than done).

Image via Wikipedia

Example swap from above for Position B:  (The assertion of Homosexuality is valid, and an immutable characteristic.  Therefore the assertion that someone engages in homosexual relationships in accordance with that is valid, natural, and a very necessary part of that persons “Affirmed Homosexuality” and those actions are proper for the situation.)

I’d argue that in most situations whether the argument was made about homosexuality or transsexuality that Position B would most often be a true statement; however, it’s impossible to presuppose that it is always true without testing it in each situation.  It is possible for position B to be false given the right situation.  The statistical probability does not declare any one position or statement as an absolutely true/false value on its own, you still have to ensure each assertion is tested against the situation and compared with the evidence.  For transsexuality I’d say that Position B is going to hypothetically be true 85% of the time (myself included), but position A could still be valid 5%, and position C 10% of the time.    The human mind, perception and psychology aren’t analogous, concrete things though, but they aren’t totally fluid or malleable either.  They are very complex and as a result the analysis is subject to some variations.  As long as the criteria is standardized either Position A, B or C is likely to be true more often than the others, especially in things that display consistency, and intensity over time.  Obviously it is possible to make as few as 2 positions, or as many a million depending on your variables in the argument but inevitably the process is the same.

That considering, this is only really applicable on the grounds of what we know about human behavior.  It is possible for one or many conclusions to be false given the properties of the subject of study.  However, in this situation I am applying specifically for the purposes of understanding transsexuality.  Perhaps I have just gone on a long tangent and missed or messed up some central point, but if so communication can give me the missing pieces by which to refine my hypothesis.  “Every-time you fail to share you mind when your inner voice is calling you to, you miss an opportunity to give someone the reason they need to change their position” – Reneta Scian.  It’s also best not to assume that someone will ask you for that key piece of information either, if you feel it would be helpful for person A to understand X if you shared detail Q, then volunteer that information in the spirit of understanding.  It is through the communion of ideas that we can find an understanding.

Conclusion -

While its best when trying to find the cause, or understand the nature of something to approach it without a position and analyze it from a purely neutral stance, however, it would seem that people don’t often think that way.  These positions in the analysis can act as a hypothesis of sorts to be proven or disproven.  Positions will either be valid or invalid based on the evidence and that is what the root of what this essay is about.  It’s about people using their analytical abilities to test their positions, intuitions and hypotheses rather that using broad, oversimplified generalizations to predict others behavior, judge their character, or interact with them.  You’ll never learn anything about the people in the world around you if you assume you know them before you actually interact with them.  It is a cultural phenomenon for sure, but it is based mostly within people’s untested personal perceptions.  The accepted norms, the stereotypes, and misinformation all act to help a state of chaos were understanding is concerned.

There is nothing I dislike more than the broad generalizations, stereotypes, and over-simplifications people apply to my body, my personality, my nature, my behavior, or my personality.  I’d argue that most people don’t like it, though even that is variable.  While I am admittedly very much less rational when I am upset, or emotional, I will eventually come to a point where I can logically understand afterward given I have evidence.  To err is human, but it doesn’t become a mistake until you refuse to fix it.  Or at least that is what I like to think.  Our ability to understand each other is based on the communication, and acceptance between different perspectives.  All perspectives can be valid depending on the situation, but this does not need that they are in fact true.  A true perspective is something that as science would dictate can be reasonably replicated with the same results under the same conditions and is supported by evidence, and conclusive findings.

However, I am human too, and subject to the same errors as everyone else.  I can make the same missteps even knowing what I have come to learn.  But I strive to overcome those false or baseless assertions about others so that I may understand better, but communication is a must.  Understanding and Acceptance in society should be a process of finding the best possible answer with the available materials, data and evidence, and should not stand on tradition alone.  To me traditions should be challenged especially in situations where there appears to be a conflict.

Related articles

• Transexuality – A Feminist’s Guide (renetaxian.wordpress.com)
• How we lie to ourselves: cognitive dissonance (inspiringscience.wordpress.com)
• Second helping (minkyweasel.com)
• The Motivation Behind the ‘Transsexual Registration Act’ (bilerico.com)
• “My Transsexual Summer”: Watch it if you can. (queeringthechurch.com)
• My Transsexual Summer: a new view of gender (guardian.co.uk)
• is the woman making my espressos really a woman & why do I care? (circularrunning.wordpress.com)
• Self-Justification: Why People Do Crappy Things, Part 1 (misanthropologirl.wordpress.com)

After some recent heat I have seen from the rad fem crowd lately I felt it was necessary to produce this piece that essentially explains why the “Men invading women’s spaces” argument is wrong.

About the nature of transsexuality…

Image via Wikipedia

First off, lets understand gender as we experience it first.  Shall we begin.  This part is important because if you miss this part the rest of the blog isn’t going to make a lot of sense.  Transsexuality is a condition that results from a neuroendocrine system which was not a fertile ground on which to set up the proper mapping, and as a result trauma is the fruits.  This starts very young before an understanding of the Patriarchy, or of really anything else does.  But this does not matter, what does is that the conflict breeds trauma with ignored, and left untreated even if “favorable” behaviors can be fostered, or coerced.  Gender Binary is more than just a system, but also is a coercive oppressive regime which facilitates that aforementioned trauma, even in children who don’t have GID.  The argument is that transsexuality isn’t real, that it’s a myth.  But I assure you it is not, and the evidence (not wild rantings) supports that conclusion.  Furthermore, I refer to an instance which specifically contradicts that… Gender Identity Disorder in Childhood.  Children as early as 3 insisting they are the other gender.  Patriarchal Oppression is a learned, or acquired behavior.  So you’re saying this children are just patriarchates waiting to rape the vestiges of woman hood?  I highly doubt you, or anyone for that matter could find evidence to support that case.

However, what really is at work here under this “myth” assumption is the dehumanization (whether intentional or circumstantially) of a group for a condition which defies social convention.  Denying this reality, the reality of transgender people and those with other non-conforming gender identities is the oldest trick in the book.  Deny or erasure of a trait or identity, then apply your own definitions to it, then use those definitions to undermine the position of those with that identity.  You then say “It’s a choice” and you have made the soup of fear and discrimination which attacks many different groups for the fact they defy convention.  Saying its a choice doesn’t validate discrimination against it, nor do your rights to choose as you see fit for yourself depend on it being a choice.  It’s the same old anecdote, just with different words.  It’s some of the same argument made against homosexuals, birth control and preventive care for women, and same-sex marriage.  The argument doesn’t become more right because it is against a transgender person.  Wrong is wrong is wrong.  However, if you don’t believe it then do the research yourself and you will find that I am correct.  Look at the American Psychological Association, the American Psychiatric Association, and the American Medical Association’s positions on it, then go through the tons of evidence that indicates that it is a very real thing, and that the treatment follows the necessary protocol.

Denying this is denying the reality all people like myself face, and facilitates our persecution, destruction of rights, rapes and murders.  It’s the same thing the patriarchy does to you to facilitate its power, and the injustices you face; and in fact that attitude against us is actually helping the patriarchy.

As for the perceptions of invasion by deception…

"I hate white rich straight men" (Image via Wikipedia)

As for the idea that transwoman are “in disguise for invading women’s spaces”, where do you have any evidence of this occurring?  Where has it occurred that a “normal” man dressed up as a woman for the purposes of going to a feminist rally?  Where has it occurred that a man used women’s clothing to gain access to a space he would not otherwise have access to?  There needs to be evidence, and we aren’t talking about evidence like the follow example:  A transwoman at a feminist rally, a transwoman in the women’s restroom, or a transwoman at a rape crisis center after being raped.  The existence of transwomen, or transsexuality isn’t dependent on their being women’s only spaces.  The problem with this argument is a surprising level of short-sighted ignorance in it, and an even more shocking lack of evidence to support this claim.  Speaking for me only, I don’t want into these spaces, in fact if I never need them I may never use them.  However, should I be raped God forbid I actually need a safe place to receive treatment and support that won’t actually put me more at risk.

God forbid I be a transfeminist trying to fight for my rights to exist and be protected and safe, and need a space to have my voice heard.  God forbid I need shelter from assault and rape I could face on the street were I to be a homeless transwoman.  God forbid we need these services with the unsurprising vacuum of available services open and safe for us.  Simply because we aren’t anatomically women by birth doesn’t mean we suddenly have a vacancy of the need for these types of support.  Now, I can understand that for many women who have been victimized by men there may be a bit of uneasiness around transwomen, but that isn’t because there is a real threat but because of the rampant mischaracterization of transgender people (particularly transwomen).  Women, especially Radical Feminists are afraid of and threatened by us because you teach them and yourselves to be that way.  You proliferate this “Real Womyn” bullshit and create the very problem which you are so afraid of.  You by your own ignorance are creating this…  For some of you, you are choosing to remain ignorant.

You deny our transsexuality, which denies the condition of which for most of us is out of our control.  You then begin to build your argument around the void you created and try to explain the phenomenon with incomplete data.  Without the overpowering biological urge to do this which you deny, the only other alternative you can come up with is that we choose to do it.  Once you have settled on the flawed methodology you start to try to extrapolate purpose.  The conclusion from you appears to be that in the pretense of patriarchy that the only reason a man would become a woman would be to infiltrate.  In a culture of rape your mind begins to entertain the harrowing possibility of a patriarchate in your protected spaces.  It’s all paranoia, because I assure you this… the Patriarchal Reich finds being a woman to be beneath them, and to be quite in contradiction to their constitutions as sexism, bigoted plagues to female agency.  No sane person, and perhaps no person ever may be willing to go that far to get into the “woman’s experience”.  The evidence tends to support that later conclusion.  Our genders aren’t about your spaces, parts, vestiges or otherwise and it is arrogant to think they are.  My body is about my needs.

As for the appearances of transwomen and stereotypes…

APA "gender identity disorder" protest poster (Photo credit: jokestress)

There may be a notable number of transwomen out there who epitomize the gender stereotypes.  There is also a surprising number of cisgender women doing the same, some of them feminists as well.  But I ask you to do just this… Keep your stereotypes out of my gender.  My behaviors are closely modeled after a few of my mother’s.  She was my role model and the parent with which I felt the closest and I identified with.  This was because of my gender identity to a degree, and partly due to my overly sensitive and gentle nature as a child.  I was quiet and reserved but once I warmed up to someone I was quite the chatterbox.  I show openly many of those behaviors that were fostered by my relationship with my mother.  Many of them are also associated with gender in our culture.  But those behaviors aren’t my gender, and they in of themselves have no gender.  They are genderless traits learned through a parent child relationship.  I obsess over taking care of my hair because learned that from the parent I identified with, not because I was trying to “pretend” I was a girl.  I admired the things and properties of my mother and those things have always been the main aspects of my character, even as a male.

Indeed for many of us, myself as an example, were already the allies of women as we were in our old gender role.  We were already the one’s you felt safe with, already the ones whom you trusted and have that trust rewarded positively.  Before I transitioned I was a feminist, I am still a feminist.  My perspectives and beliefs didn’t change because my body did, they are persistent.  Yes, I may not be a woman in the sense that I was born into that, but I am a woman in the sense that it is a deep and real part of who I am.  I would rather die that live as something I am not.  I’d rather give up those parts of me that go towards that the Patriarchates believe are the core of their “right to rule”.  Those parts are meaningless to me, but my life and my body have value to me.  I want to still be a whole and functional person without the reminders of that past, and that is just a part of my condition.  You must understand that there was no capacity in us to just be “feminists as men” to support the rights and liberation of women everywhere as we were.  Some transwomen realized the realities of the patriarchy afterwards, a few never do, and some of us (myself included) always had an awareness of it.  This is no less true of ciswomen.  Some had epiphanies and realized, a few never do, but some were always eerily aware of the nature of the prison their society was creating around them.

Because God forbid a person looking like the woman in this picture would need protection from rapists, abusers, murderers and those of patriarchal inclination. Oh, wait that does happen because we are excluded quite often from the services we need to survive and thrive. (Image via Wikipedia)

People have accused me of being sexist because I am transgender and for that reason only, and I tell them that they are wrong.  Gender Expression is something we learn from our environment, but gender identity isn’t acquired in that way it is innate.  There are other trans people out there both binary aligned, and those non-binary aligned.  Radical Feminism, you would do well to take to heart what I said here, both for me and for others out there from transman to genderqueer.  Our genders aren’t a property of the patriarchy and they exist independently.  We all would do well to educate ourselves and work together to end the patriarchy, the force that attempts to imprison, subjugate and relegate us all to the status of second class citizens.  The behaviors of conscientious transwomen everywhere do not differ from those of our cisgender counterparts, the only difference lies in our experiences and perceptions which can and often are woefully inadequate.  We stand more to gain from learning from each other that we do standing against each other in ignorance.  While our narratives differ the quality that makes us targets is all to similar, and quite familiar.

By standing up and discounting your transgender sisters you are essentially indirectly justifying the violence, rape and vacuum of rights the patriarchy perpetrates against us… You are saying that it’s okay to rape us because we are trans, it’s okay to discriminate against us because we are trans, and it’s okay to kill us because we are trans and less than human.  Does that argument sound chillingly familiar to those used against every oppressed group throughout history to include women and people of color?  It should, and it’s implication should be cause for you to act and open your eyes for once.  Being a transwoman or a ciswoman comes with its own risks and challenges but as I have said time and time again there is a commonality of great concern to the both of us, and you know it.  You can’t hold against someone something which they have no control over.

Related articles

• Gender Identity – Stereotypes and Gender (renetaxian.wordpress.com)
• End the Patriarchy – My experience of male privilege (renetaxian.wordpress.com)
• Making Peace with the Grue-some Monsters (mhairi.wordpress.com)
• The Gender Ternary: Understanding Transmisogyny (radtransfem.wordpress.com)

Image via Wikipedia

The long (lengthwise as well) awaited blog that I will now write as a feminist and former male in society to give my take on male privilege as it applies to me.  First, to draw a more clear picture of where I placed in that regime.  Male privilege is the property of privilege that occurs in patriarchal society when women’s statuses, agency, and validity is undermined by discrimination and oppression.  People can partake in privilege without actually being aware of it, and male privilege is hardly the only concern for me (a person who wants to see equality across the board).  We live in a kyriarchy, but that isn’t the purpose of this blog.  This blogs purpose will be entirely dedicated to my understanding of any implied male privilege and a discussion of any previous privilege I may have enjoyed either passively or actively.

Passive, Semi-active, and Passing Privilege-

I am aware of real instances of male privilege in my life before though mostly in hindsight.  When in public there is a seemingly unwritten rule of respect.  At passing no one could usually make a judgement call about my character to increase or decrease said privilege.  That being said, much of my life was absent of typical male privilege beyond the very basic levels, which one can be aware of but do nothing about.  What I mean by this can be related with this phrase… “Everyone accepted me as a man until I opened my mouth”.  Meaning that much of my passive male privilege was undermined in any in-depth interactions.  Women are as responsible as men to the degree when it comes to supporting the “Stereotypical Male” based male image.  Women interacting with a man who seemed too effeminate immediately begin treating you differently.  So I had passive privilege up until I interacted with people and baffled the gender understanding of me with my demeanor.  However, it is worth mentioning that men are far less forgiving than women with the patriarchal mindset.

Meaning the degree of privilege I lost when dealing with women was less than what I lost when interacting with men.  Our culture has a tendency to breed ignorance when it comes to understanding gender, and as a result people often and quite quickly devalue you based on your femininity.  This is something that has been mentioned extensively by Julia Serrano, so I won’t beat that bush too terribly much.  But as she her book title would put it, culture really does scapegoat femininity; additionally I find that most people’s concept of femininity is kind of wrong.  There is the social definition of feminine and masculine, and then there is every individual perception of femininity and masculinity… Seldom do these things jive.  The reason is that the most basic level our identities play a role in those perceptions, that a strong female identity will be more greatly inclined to find the things she likes as feminine.  This applies to any gender identity.  Some of this, however, is effected by activities that our culture constantly pounds in our head on gender (dish washing, clothing washing, et cetera).  That is where the role of sexism plays in with the constructs around gender.

Just one more example of sexism. This is a picture of what happens in feet binding on an X-ray image. Sexism and the patriarchy has many effects that negatively affect that lives of women and transgender people. (Image via Wikipedia)

Anyhow, the point of this is that the window of perception about masculinity and femininity moves over time, and from place to place.  How this connects with male privilege relates to the degree of femininity you show moves your privilege up and down.  For example, my passive and interactive privilege was higher in Korea than in the US.  That same privilege was greater in Colorado than it was when I lived in Florida because the window of masculine/feminine within the concept of privilege is different depending on where you live.  Now, within this there is an intersection… Male privilege is also modulated by race, religious background, wealth and other factors of concern under kyriarchy.  This contributes as well as the culture you currently live in to passive and interactive privilege.  Your appearance, height, weight and dress also affect this because to a degree these attributes are associated with femininity and masculinity.  At 5’8″ I received considerably less privilege than other men.  My military service compensated for that to a degree in my experience of male privilege because physical fitness also affects it.  My appearance was always a problem though… I always road the outskirts of masculine appearance, only appearing as masculine as I had to be to get by.  Always letting my hair grow, always shaving my face, wearing metro-sexual clothing, et cetera.

However, as an awkward teen who was smaller than almost all the other boys I experienced far less privilege throughout high school.  This was also compounded by the fact that from my late high school years and early military I was occasionally perceived as a woman, either in person or voice.  And here’s the second piece of this…  Sexuality.  People perceived my sexuality as either homosexual, or at least bisexual even though until I transition I was an openly and practicing heterosexual (though now openly pansexual).  Sexuality, or your perceived sexuality and gender expression, is an effective modulator of male privilege.  It is why I make mention of the fact that my male privilege tended to only be passive and brief interactions.  Anything more than that people would automatically draw such conclusions, thus there would be no male privilege beyond a perhaps very slight passive one.  Assertions about a person’s gender expression and sexuality only go so far.  But I do acknowledge that I did experience male privilege, especially in conversations about my ability, or things I knew very well.  As a male people take you and what you say more seriously.  If you tell the doctor your leg hurts he gives you pain medicine.  In conversations you are more readily given a perception of ability.  When you speak it automatically commands authority whether you realize it or not.

Though those interactions are modulated immediately after interaction that privilege always comes into play and it is entirely depended on how other people perceive you.  But in the conversational department I can say that my privilege was slightly more unstable.  My voice has never really been masculine, except when I forced it… It was an habitual thing that was hard to keep up.  As such many of my interactions, more than just changing or negating privilege actually got me scorned, as did many of my other overt gender variations.  As I said before it wasn’t unheard of to be taken for a woman by voice.  I guess what all this boils down to is this… I did experience male privilege, and quite frankly before I transitioned I was woefully unaware of the ones I’ve mentioned.  However, that being said my experience of male privilege was probably no greater than that of an androgynous to effeminate homosexual/bisexual male.

Patriarchal power, as well as the standards for women have negative impacts on female self-image regardless of birthright. Art throughout the ages as well as in current day mediums has tended to display women in very sexually objectified ways... Naked males also exist in art but they are greatly outweighed and outnumbered by their female counterparts. The consistent feature influencing that fact is Patriarchal Rule.While sexism is an important issue and a problem of the patriarch, and the base of what we know of male privilege it is important to understand that it isn't just male privilege at play. (Image via Wikipedia)

(Image via Wikipedia)

As a male I passed as a male relatively well, but my appearance still contained ambiguous gender queue’s and even at my most masculine I was far too soft and pretty.  Sometimes feminist can tend to berate transgender feminist about their earlier male privilege, and even claim that when we assert ourselves or our opinions we are speaking from residual privilege.  This tends to be in ignorance of the degree of privilege not given for being gender non-conforming before transition (because it’s hard to hide, even at our best and especially in my case), disregards the internal turmoil that came with being forced to live up to male expectations to our detriment, and plays a very intense role in reinforcing gender roles plus sexism and cissexism.  While we did benefit from being “somewhat” protected from the discrimination and oppression for a period of our lives, and as a result have less internalize oppression, this does not mean that we exist in a state of residual privilege either mentally, emotionally or anatomically.  How well I was perceived as male by others was a problematic issue for me before transition, luckily one I don’t have to worry about anymore.

Active Privilege – (This section may be triggering and may contains mentions of examples of active privilege when it goes too far.)

Active Privilege speaks to elements where men use their status as leverage to marginalize women, or to take advantage, or actively repress their freedoms, needs or agency in light of such privileges.  This is the most dangerous, oppressive and malignant form of privilege … This form of privilege is enacted in situations like in those of date rap, statutory rape, coercion, and other forms of violation against female agency.  This can be something as simple as a boyfriend coercing his girlfriend into having sex though she doesn’t want to.  This also specifically refers to discrimination and degradation of women.  This is not an area of privilege I have experience in and I’ll explain why… As a young child I was beaten and punished very severely for exhibiting behaviors that were not masculine.  There was also physical abuse outside of that… For children who were raised in an abusive and degrading environment one of two common outcomes occurs… Either they become abusers to a degree themselves, or they become overly passive.  I was the later… I was the child who was so afraid of confrontation that I would lock up into a protective body position when someone got aggressive enough with me… In fact, I’d lock up so hard that you could pick me up by my forearms and swing me around and I would keep that shape.  (That has unfortunately been tested in my life.)

So as a result I was very submissive, to the point that I could actually be abused or taken advantage of by my partners.  It was often argued by some of them that I was the woman in the relationship, and this actually proved to be an issue in dating from time to time.  This is because of the cultural linkage of passivity, submissiveness, and softness being associated with women, though this would be quite an inaccurate linkage.  There is nothing in those properties that relates to women.  To put it simply, whether this was because of my passivity or not, I tended to always respect the agency of women.  After-all, I identified with women to such a degree that I was something of a closet feminist even back then.  My military service, ironically, reinforced that because I was put into situations with women who filled roles of authority, and I lived in an environment (for the most part) that treated women as equals and was more concerned with the mission than gender, race, religion, or creed.  I even spent a good deal of my life being something of a closet male hater… I thought men were pigs, and I thought they took advantage of women, and I hated them for it.  I had very few men which exhibited a level of character I expected from men, so as a result I was seldom close to men.  I didn’t want to be a part of their womanizing, sexist, and self-important worlds.  They were the type of men who bragged about their sexual conquests.  The type of men who committed (by legal definition) statutory rape over and over again.  Their lives seemed to revolve around “Getting Fucked up and Banging Chicks”.

While sexism is a problem, and extension of the Patriarchy as well as a part of male privilege it is important to know that this isn't the only privilege in existence under the Patriarchy. The repression of homosexuality, transsexuality, gender variance, race, gender identity are all components of the patriarchal strategy for staying in power. Furthermore the gender expressions of transgender and homosexual people are restricted by said heterosexual, male privilege.(Image via Wikipedia)

And that is probably one of the most pestilent, dangerous, and terrifying part of patriarchal male mentalities to me… The perception of entitlement to sex from women carried by men in our society, or as it is better known “Rape Culture”.  Of all types of erosion of female agency, and of all the apathetic, chauvinistic behaviors that exist in this world this is the apex.  I never participated in this type of behavior, and from a young age it was impressed upon me both by my mom and my personal experiences that this sort of behavior was deplorable.  When I was still male I was protected from exposure to a degree to this phenomenon, but being a soft and effeminate male it was never gone.  Men rape, beat and murder effeminate men all the time, so it is still a problem.  It is always something I was afraid of to a degree, but now the idea of being targeted and assaulted in such a way is a terrifying and very real possibility.  And when it comes to being the target of such a crime I am hardly protected by my transgender status, as most people can’t outwardly tell in passing me that I am trans.  If I were targeted by a rapist it is unlikely that he’ll stop and leave me alone once discovering I am transgender, and in fact there is a greater chance the assault will escalate to violent assault and potentially murder (I say he’ll because the vast preponderance of rapists are male).  This probability increases my risk because of transphobia and homophobia comes into play for me which cisgender women do not experience.  I take active measures to protect myself from the possibility of such an occurrence, but I am no more able to protect myself than a woman of the same physical stature as I am.

Because as I have mentioned in earlier posts my body has always produced far too much estrogen and too little effectual testosterone.  As a result as a male I was only a little stronger than average females, and weaker than average males.  This was before I neutralized my testosterone altogether which contributes to the biological strength exhibited by males.  This means I am far weaker now than I was.  Additionally, I am disabled and I have permanent disabilities that reduce my ability to fight back or evade an attacker.  Point is that I am as at risk for this problem in our culture as other women, although certain risks (reproductively) for me don’t exist.  Just like physical appearance effects privilege, it also effects your risk level as a woman.  This applies to all women.  Small framed petite women are at greater risk than large framed tall women.  Muscular women less at risk than dainty women, et cetera.  I think you get the picture.

Probably one of the most common erosion of female agency occurs in the way that men treat women in their objectification, their disparagement, and in the infringing qualities of male privilege.  One of the biggest of those is the tendency of men to disregard the personal space of women they are attracted to.  Men when flirting with a woman in a club tend to go too far into a woman’s space without invitation, often taking a lack of expressed consent as a yes.  This can involve kissing, touching, or groping, and all of it is offensive.  This is also not a type of invasion I have ever perpetrated, however I have had it pushed on me both as a man and as a woman.  Homosexual men can be guilty of abusing the agency of other men, especially men they perceive as passive or effeminate.  I have female friends who have had men kiss them without their permission out of an act of possessiveness, sometimes being acquaintances, and sometimes being and ex-boyfriend or something to that effect.  This is something a lot of men have done, and though it’s far more benign it is still wrong, and quite marginalizing in my opinion.  To all males – Simply because you are attracted to a woman doesn’t give you the right, entitlement to invade her personal space without her permission.  If a woman wants to be left alone, then leave her alone… She has that right and her agency is just as valid as yours.  To all feminists – Simply because I wasn’t born female and aren’t reproductively viable as such doesn’t mean I need to give up any part of my agency or freedom of speech for anyone else’s sake.  In situations where I don’t know, and with things that genuinely don’t apply to me I’ll bow out.  I can’t speak of something I can not, or appropriate something have not experienced.  That being said, I am no less woman than any other and I will not be relegated to the status of whipping girl for anyone’s personal beliefs about the validity of my person, my gender, my rights, or my needs.  My identity is not dependent on anyone else accepting or acknowledging it.

Final Thoughts –

It's not enough on its own to end the patriarchy. We also need to reclaim and empower the rights and agency of women and destroy the images and things that objectify and ultimately dehumanize women and transwomen (as transwomen more often fail to mesh with the image of female beauty). (Image via Wikipedia)

Male privilege is a big problem in our society and culture (Rape Culture being the biggest threat), and it both has passively and actively oppressive components, some dangerously so… I am for the equality of all women, and for an end to all implied forms of male privilege.  This is something I have always believed in.  I think patriarchal power has far outlived it’s usefulness if one ever existed.  I once had forms of male privilege that are associated with appearing male, though that privilege varied starkly for those of gender conforming males.  I never used my position of being male as an active oppressive agent, nor would I ever want to… It’s not that I wasn’t capable of it, or that I am somehow unique, but that the status of my character from my experiences, beliefs, values and ideals were very much preventive against such abuses.  They did not occur not because I am an exception, but by virtue of my nature.  That being said, I am very much aware of my earlier privilege, which was quite frankly insufficient to validate me staying in said role.  I never identified with men, and never identified with male privilege which is partly why I wasn’t earlier aware of the forms of privilege I experienced.  I’d argue that this is a common experience among transwomen, or other people who have transitioned gender roles.

Having once partaken of male privilege doesn’t make one a patriarchate, nor does it mean you are an agent of the patriarchy.  This refers to both me, my past, and my gender identity.  Those things are just a part of who I am.  Even if we lived in a gender neutral world I would still feel wrong with my body.  A body part without a body map to match makes the extraneous parts almost vestigial.  No man has any rights over a woman, either rights over her body or her agency, just as no one has rights over my body or agency.  No one defines me.  I define who I am, and I shed all labels which are put there against my will.  I think all people should have that right regardless of gender, sexual orientation, religion, creed, race, disability, gender identity or gender expression.  My existence isn’t dependent on anyone else’s.  Also there is a need for not only women’s spaces, but for the resources for women to find better employment and to have the means they need to be the best they can.  Furthermore, women have a catch-up game to play in addition to fighting against male privilege.  So there is going to be a need for services, and assistance to be brought into existence that patriarchates will interpret as favoritism towards women… Women who are low-income, minorities, or otherwise need help with that uphill battle more than most.  I am for measures to protect, and help women rise above those situations, and for equal pay, including ending the financial and employment disparities that can lead to sex work, et cetera.  But in caution, I recommend against doing it on the backs of others without their consent.

In the end we are all affected by the patriarchy, and I feel that ended the forced genders mandated by it is also something that is needed. We can't change our bodies to meet other people's expectations, however we can change their perspective. - Gender Identity Bill Signing (Photo credit: Office of Governor Patrick)

Also to many degrees there are issues that are specific to the transgender community that cisgender women don’t have to consider that need mentioning.  The transsexual woman’s body is objectified just as women’s bodies are, but there is a twist to it… More so than with the bodies of cisgender women, the transsexual body is portrayed as being designed/reformed just for males to get pleasure from.  It’s even furthermore denigrated because it’s also considered a taboo.  There is two sides of this… As a transwoman if you have a nice figure you are a “Chick with A Dick” fetish, but if you are anything shy of that Real life Betty Boop with a Cock (perhaps without) your body perceived as disgusting, dirty, unclean, not worthy.  We aren’t just fetishized though, we are also relegated as only being acceptable as a fetish, a genderless sex toy, something neither male nor female, and disposable.  We’re the “fling you don’t tell your guy friends about”, the “dirty little secret”, and “less than human, less than female, less than a woman” in their eyes.  We don’t chose this, and the properties of what make us trans aren’t dependent on anyone’s gender deconstructionist or gender binary conformist views.  Of all things though, being a transfeminist to that degree, I am tired of our narrative being commandeered and demonized for the sake of someone else’s movement .  As I mentioned before, I’ll be no one’s whipping girl.  While there may be a varying array of differences between the effect sexism and the patriarchy play on transwomen and ciswomen, there is a consolidated overarching principle that affects them all similarly but not equally.  The only way we’ll all be free and equal is to “End the Patriarchy”.

As a conclusion, there are many assertion about transgender people within the feminist community and many of them are little more than your run of the mill sexism, cissexism and transphobia.  While as a transwoman I did enjoy the relative safety of male privilege for a time, I am now against and seek to see an end to male privilege.  Furthermore I am not a patriarchate, and I don’t work for them through the dilution of gender or of the meaning of woman/femaleness.  I only wish to have my gender not relegated to erasure, and to have my right to exist and be treated equally.  But in the end this blog was to speak to my position within the concept of male privilege, and to discuss how it affected me as well as the issue of male privilege and the problems of Patriarchy.

*** I welcome critique, advice, and informative commentary at all times.  If anyone feels I am wrong on something, or perhaps need clarification or edit to something I am open to suggestions.  I am learning as much as the next person, and I can only speak from my experiences and things I have learned along the way.  I also urge all men and women to be aware of privilege and oppression rather than facilitating it.  Thank you to my readers and I look forward to hearing your thoughts ***

Related articles

• The Gender Ternary: Understanding Transmisogyny (radtransfem.wordpress.com)
• On Feminism (livingliam.wordpress.com)
• Pass or Fail? (www.carnalnation.com)
• Nerds and Male Privilege [Gender] (kotaku.com)
• Nerds and Male Privilege Part 2: Deconstructing the Arguments [Gender] (kotaku.com)
• Transmisogyny (caitlinsong.wordpress.com)
• Toward Participatory Gender: Trans Self-Determination and Movements for Social Justice (thedistantpanic.com)
• offhand transphobia (rainbowgenderpunk.wordpress.com)

A thought that has been on my mind quite a bit recently is this…  You ever feel a little “oppressed” by the assertions other people make about your gender, sexual orientation, or otherwise?   Ever find yourself feeling as if people are applying something to you which has nothing to do with you?  Even feel labels constrain people from actually understanding who you are?  I get that feeling a lot.  In my situation I am a person who was assigned male, but lives as a female.  My internal sense of self is a static thing for me.  Also, because of the fact that I identified with my mother, and with women I am feminine in many cultural regards.  The problem with that is where the situation gets sticky.  As a transgender person people who perceive me as feminine without thorough evaluation of who I am feel, “Oh, your feminine, how typical of you”, or they apply stereotypes to me which do not apply.  This is especially true of cisgender people, and even more so radical feminists.  As a fellow feminist, I understand the performity of gender, more thoroughly than some of them do.  But, this is where understanding breaks down… My feminine qualities are unintentional, a product of other people’s definitions and quite inconsequential to my gender identity (how I feel about my body).

What I am saying is that I have both masculine and feminine qualities (by cultural definitions) and I am a woman (socially and biochemically through medical intervention), that these two things while they do affect each other are completely unrelated.  And as for the performity of gender to a certain degree of femininity and masculinity isn’t a performed, but rather an acquired behavior through family member we identified with.  My behavior in relation to my gender is independent of my gender identity, however my behavior is very much effected by my gender identity.  Essentially gender expression has little effect (If any), on my gender identity; but the reverse is true if their positions are transposed.  My gender identity growing up has a lot to do with my acquired, or learned habits.  So it frustrates me that people impose their “gender assertions” on me, that because I became a woman (trans or otherwise) that it’s only typical I should be feminine.  I was always effeminate to the same degree I am now, but you can’t really draw on that (on its own) from my transition.  Butch male to females, and genderqueer male to females as well as many intersexed people stand in blatant contradiction to that idea.

Where I find the social issue with this is the exclusivity that comes with the lesbian community.  Culturally, even among those of the GLBT community femininity, or feminine attributed behaviors are treated negatively (mixes of cultural and acquired behaviors), and by extension people who are GLBT and feminine get treated poorly to a degree.  People don’t try to discern acquired habits from stereotypical, or gender performative phenomenon.  And I am not talking about culturally hyper exaggerated female behaviors or superficial obsessions, I am just talking about the behaviors acquired by identification with other women, and the biologically dependent factors.  Hormones play a big role in behaviors, as does how you were raised, and your gender identity.  But when people hear I am transgender, they automatically toss that “effeminate label” and all the negative cultural contexts regardless of whether they are true or not. or even apply.  I don’t wear crap loads of make, well not anymore now that I have tossed cultural stereotypes… I have grown into being my own woman and I am no longer trapped by that dichotomy, but people I have never met before treat me as if I am an “agent of the patriarchy” or “agent of oppression”.  I am not.

I am not a woman because of my behavioral traits, nor do my behavioral traits, habits, or appearance make me a woman on their own.  The problem I often find in dealing with certain philosophies of feminism is that they marginalize transgender people for what they feel some of us represent.  They often speak of us as those “Agents of the Patriarchy, trying to rape the vestiges of womanhood“, or some of them do.  We are not, or at least I am not.  Transgender people in fact stand up as an example against the limiting and narrowing ideology contributed by patriarchal binary gender concepts.  It is a patriarchal concept, whether you see it or not.  It stems from the patriarchal mindset of men with sexual entitlement and compulsory heterosexuality of women.  Transsexuals specifically muck up that whole system, as do lesbians; which is all the more reason why we should help each other, but I digress.  I sacrificed any privilege I may or may not have had in transition to be true to who I feel I am, and to avoid driving myself to the point of suicide.  Moreover, I have become a woman who doesn’t exemplify the stereotypes that are used by the patriarchy to make women second class citizens.  That is the last thing I want.  I don’t want to be made into a second class citizen because I am a woman, anymore than I want it because I am pansexual or transgender.

The biggest misconception in all of this is the assertion that “If gender is performative, and you know it, why transition?”  Gender identity isn’t about how you look, or act necessarily.  Gender identity is about how you feel about your body, your body map so to speak.  Gender identity is your innermost sense of self.  Clothing, gender roles, or acquired behaviors can’t compensate for that.  On their own, they can’t reduce gender dysphoria, nor do they make the treatments we receive any less necessary.  And there you have it, we end up right back at sexism, specifically cissexism, and gender stereotypes.  The biggest gripe I have between some other feminists and myself (the transgender feminist) is that.  They nullify our non-binary gender in the same way the patriarchates do.  They are cisgendered after-all, but their sense of gender and binaryist entitlement is still no less influenced by the gender brainwashing we are given from youth that causes an erasure of all non-binary persons, or anyone whose genders fail to conform to the sexists regime.

Image represents Yin and Yang - Masculinity and Femininity (Image by DonkeyHotey via Flickr)

Some feminists call themselves “Womyn” (and other variations) to partition their identity into one that only they can claim, something more real.  Example: [You identify as X.  You meet a neighbor who identifies as X, or with an X sounding identity.  You don't like your neighbor and resent their co-located identity, or believe they aren't truly X.  So you identify as Y, to separate yourself from all those you see as "Falsely X", or "Too similar to X for comfort".]  Ever hear the phrase cutting off your nose to spite your face?  I find the word Womyn, in such a context to be offensive and sexist (cissexist) as it derogatorily limit being woman to being born with a vagina.  Many intersexed people and all transwomen are born without them and other “Female Only” structures, but essentially female ≠ woman (which is part of the gender binary).  You don’t change your name just because you don’t like, or don’t understand someone else with the same name.  That would be ludicrous.  I find there are many feminist who convolute the idea of gender just as bad as patriarchates, and are just as sexist and without good reason.  (As if there was ever a good reason for sexism).  Point is I am tired of people broaching me with their labels, while failing to understand me as a person.  It’s frustrating to have someone treat you as though you are supporting the terrorist regime of male privilege simply because you’re transgender.  (All considering: I don’t completely understand the need to change the spelling or what point it really makes, though I do understanding the underlining concept I feel it seems inappropriate for the situation.  That is my opinion.)

Furthermore, these same groups treat transmen completely different even though some of them do partake in “Male Privilege”.  Femininity in the stereotypical concept is bad, and is biased for the patriarchy and against equality of women everywhere, but being a woman isn’t something to be scorned, nor is acknowledging the qualities that come with that, no more than identifying with those who are genderqueer, neither, both, or just other…  Femininity and Masculinity are social constructs exaggerated and placed on top of our innate human behaviors to force assimilation with the gender binary.  But being a feminist doesn’t mean I have to pretend I am something I am not to be one.  I think it is up to each of us to decide for ourselves what our womanhood means to us, and the same for men to define manhood outside of their privilege.  To define it outside of the cultural dichotomies, and outside of the coercive and performative concepts.  Perhaps the disconnect is in understanding about what the basic dictionary definition says about femininity and what culture and history says.

Being submissive doesn’t make you a woman anymore than being dominant makes you male.  I feel it is time for us as a culture to shed the false dichotomies of gender which create oppressive logic like sexism.  The patriarchates don’t want that because it undermines their power to control.  I hate the appropriation of gender to things that are genderless.  They want you to stay complacent in your little gender roles, to stay with in your invisible caste.  They will fight you every step of the way.  They try to feed off the disagreements and in fighting between feminism and trans-feminism, and those who are just transgender feminists.  Men can be feminists too, by acknowledge and trying to do something about their privilege.  But perhaps what we really should seek to obtain is pure and simple gender equality for all.  Gender equality that doesn’t discriminate against the nature of gender itself or label things as “Gendered” which are not.  To make a society that makes an exception for those who are exceptional on the basis of need not libertarian simplification of the narratives of who we are.  It’s time for the intellectual dishonesty and laziness surrounding our understanding of gender as a society to end.  We shouldn’t treat one gender or sex as a better than the other, and abolish all establishments of “Separate but Equal” once culture has grown past the social constructs of gender.  When I stand up for myself I am not speaking from residual privilege.  I stand up because I am tired of being put down and pushed around by sexists for not conforming to gender roles, societal perceptions, or for refusing male privilege and fighting against our still very patriarchal society.

Just me. I stand for gender equality because I know what it's like to be hated because of your gender. Zemanta doesn't want to properly wordwrap left this image (Shakes Fist).

I seek to live in a world where the identities of women, men and others are embraced, not oversimplified to be just to labeled under the archaic bronze age pathology as men (greater) and castrated-men (lesser).  Women should be reclaiming their identities from societal distortion; as should conscientious men, genderqueer, neither, bi-gender, transgender from those who constantly appropriate their own definitions on top of what our identities represent.  If you’re a woman, man, genderqueer, neither, both, other and you truly feel you are then identify yourself accordingly.  It’s simple.  I want sexism to end, regardless of what gender you are, whether you’re feminist or not, whether you were born a woman or a man, or intersexed, and regardless of your gender identity.  It is time it ended.  Much of this blog was inspired by dealing with the application of gender to me in ways that it doesn’t apply to me, or when it has culturally biased gender stereotypes in it.

Afterthoughts from reading several Feminist Blogs (particularly Rad Feminist Blogs)

I wish people would stop making attacks at the easy targets our cultural regime has made us, mostly referring to transgender and transsexual people here.  I’m dumbstruck by the amount of feminists who support the binary gender concept and take part in the erasure of all those who aren’t just purely exclusively male or female (not to mention the biased way about how they do it, mostly targeting only male to female spectrum people).  It helps the patriarchal power framework by denying the very reality of transgender, transsexual and intersexed people by reinforcing the patriarchates right to rule over all definitions of gender, and of its narrative.  It’s garbage.  Yes transwomen are different from women, but they also differ from men (neurologically, psychologically, emotionally, et cetera).  This insinuation that transwomen are only pretending and performing the patriarchal gender construct of women is a falsehood.  I know there are transwomen who subscribe to the social gender constructs and complete reconditioned their behavior in accordance with it.   This is as much a result of patriarchal power as it is with cisgender women who do the same.  Also, there certainly are some who seem to be “Caricatures of Femininity” such as with transvestite and drag queens.  But it is sexist, and scientifically incorrect to assert that transwomen are delusional, as it is never our presentations of who we are that are the core of the issue but our bodies.  Additionally, not all transwomen out there are “Playing the role of patriarchal concepts of gender”, so it’s wrong to stereotype either way.  (Ask any butch Male to Female about that).  Each and every one of us needs to find and define gender within ourselves, as people outside of what happens to be man and woman in culture.  Male and female should only matter when talking with your physician.

Transmen and transwomen don’t exist to convenience or inconvenience radical feminists… We just exist, and we do the best we can with what we have, whether a little or a lot.  We are oppressed by the patriarchy by interfering with their entitlement to have sex with women who aren’t trans.  We are part of the diversity of human sex and gender just like you are, we just don’t fall in one of the too median values, just like intersexed people.  Being a feminist doesn’t prevent one from also being a sexist.  It’s easy to make baseless assertions about transgender people not being one, but it doesn’t make you right.  It isn’t sexism making people change their genders, it’s most likely biology though it isn’t something readily understood or taught in schools.  It’s no different from homosexuality, you don’t choose which sex you are attracted to, you just are.  What needs to go is the social constructs of gender so we can just be the people we are without vestigial, useless behaviors ruling our actions.  It’s a genital centric view to assert people can not change their assigned gender which is the core of sexism.  Genital Centrism is part sexism and by extension of the power structure of patriarchal rule… Ignoring it doesn’t erase reality.  Gender, sex or transition in the social context of that is inconsequential to the fundamental nature of who I am.  I didn’t change who I am to be a woman, or to transition (though I did have a chaotic time adapting at first), I treated the symptoms of a medical condition and I will continue to do so as I see fit.

It just really irritates me to no end to see sexism frothing over on sites like those of radical feminist because they support patriarchal concepts, or support something I view as supporting male privilege or the patriarchy itself.  And they are so blindly following this cissexist line of thought without realizing its counter productive.  My understanding of this will grow more as I attempt to understand it further, and I am open at all times to critique and information that will help me make that conclusion.  I have only been out to the world for a couple years, and you can’t learn everything there is to know that quickly.  My position on this will change as information and evidence presents itself.  I may later write a blog about how I feel about male privilege and how it related to my life before hand.

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Reality isn't always an easy pill to swallow. As human beings our perspective can sometimes, and often vary slightly from what is real in favor of what is comfortable. Reality for me is that I am who I am, and I'll either live with that or die trying to deny it. I choose the former and not the later. (Image by Rickydavid via Flickr)

There may have been a point where “uncertainty” for the path my life might take may have granted credence to certain claims but the time for that has passed. This is who I am, there is no wrong, ungodly, or immoral in me being myself, it simply is reality. My feelings inside have been substantiated by my experiences. Beliefs are never valid reason to treat another person poorly. I love my family, and it disheartens me to see them struggle and flounder trying to cope with who I am. It’s a rough thing to go through, believe me I know.  I carried it around longer than anyone.  But denying the reality of who I am doesn’t make it go away, nor does it make the life I once had livable. I am me, being me makes life bearable. I won’t give it up so easily.

(This is my testament to being called a fool and being told the only the person he wants to see (AKA The fictitious person he expects me to be) is welcome.  This is my testament to say “I am who I am, and there is nothing that needs to change about it. (Not that I could if I wanted)”  This is my testament to say that I know myself better than to fall into such shallow, simplistic, derogatory, bigoted thinking… This is my life and this is what I wrote.)

Your failure to understand, or to find resources to help you understand who I am is not my fault it’s yours.  There is nothing I can do about who and what I am, it just is.  You either accept it or you don’t.  The reality is not up to you to decide, something that you have vehemently and vigorously denied.  I don’t know why, but there are many reason why culture has problems accepting it.  Much of it lies in the fact that the “Male/Female Binary” we are fed from youth is a well fabricated lie.  Because of the dynamic nature of biology there is no true “male” or “female” just a varying array of degrees.  One process in any one of these can break resulting in someone like me.  This isn’t something in my head, it is very real.  You just won’t see it.  There is not a fix, prayer, glue, fixative, drug or otherwise that can fix what is set in us at birth.  Genitals don’t make you a man.

Deep down I really wish you and (My Brother) could eventually patch things up, but I can’t make that happen.  I also hope that one day you will pull the wool off your eyes and see me for who I really am, but I know that is no small task.  You can call me whatever you like, but it says more about you as a person than it does about me.  I carried the burden of who I am, did everything I thought was expected of me all the way up until it almost broke me.  You don’t, and you can’t understand what it is to feel uncomfortable in our own skin, or to know that something is fundamentally different.  You don’t know what it’s like to hate the life you had been forced to accept until it makes death seem welcoming.  I stopped hiding, that’s all I did.  You never had a son, you just insist that you did in me.  Being who I am now completes my identity and makes life seem hopeful.

The only fictitious person that exists between you and me is the person you want me to be.  I can not, but not by my accord, and I will not because I lived in sadness and despair for far to long before this time in my life.  Oh, and by the way, I still wear pants.  Believe me a fool if you want, but your words are hollow.  This behavior isn’t the gesture of a loving father, nor of one who is capable of challenging his most sacred beliefs for the sake of his child who happens to defy the concepts he stands upon.  Sometimes the things we are told as children aren’t the truth, or they are overturned by better evidence.  Denying this doesn’t erase reality, merely it defines the one who covets falsehoods as delusional.  And I’ll never come home to you with that attitude, or with any expectation that I was ever your son.  I am your daughter, I will never pretend to be anything else ever again.

If you think bashing who I am and asking me to betray myself is going to win you any fans, or grant you the results you want you can think again.  I will not explain myself to you.  You take me as I am or not at all.  I know coming to terms with who I am is not easy but there is no other way I can be, so you either do or you don’t it’s that simple.  I love you both, but I am not (old name) nor will I ever even under duress take part in that role ever again.  I am not a man, that has never been a part of who I am; though you tried your damnedest to make me that way.  My life is always open to you when you want to stop rejecting who I am.  By denying who I am now, you deny me.  There is no other way.  I’m sorry.  If you’re trying to upset me, you succeed; but that is all you succeeded at doing.  I want to come home again, I want to be a family, I want to work this out.  But my gender is non-negotiable.

With love,

Rene

Ignorance on your part doesn’t cause and error on mine.  I am not perfect, nor do I know everything, but I know a lot more than you do about myself.  Take me for my word on that, just as I take you as you present yourself to me.

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I want to help people understand me in a way that people will latch on to…

I am a girl (woman), but not in the way society tries to define that.  It’s something I always knew.  My life wasn’t like other people.  My transition was rather “odd”, like mind over matter odd.  My body started turning before I transitioned, I cycle hormonally, get mood swings like any girl would, and I am emotionally like a girl.  I don’t like being trans, and I’d rather be an ordinary person.  But since I am, I am going to do the best I can with it.  Regardless of anything anyone tells you being trans is not a choice.  Regardless of religious or ideological preference there is no excuse for bigotry.  I like how I look, and I like it more everyday.  This doesn’t mean I’d never change anything, but that I have found peace with who I am now, which is a big deal.

I am an iNFp.  I am quirky, and goofy and I like joke around.  I am laid back, until something that is core to who I am, my values, or my identity is stepped on, at which point I become a hardened defender.  I am softhearted but thick-skinned.  I like emotionally stimulating movies and shows, “tear jerkers” so to speak.  I like cats because they are independent and lovable, and awesome at knowing when you need them (at least well treated kitties).  I like zesty foods, with a zing to them.  I don’t like spicy.  The biggest thing I hate about the world we live in is that it doesn’t treat me fairly.  I understand life isn’t fair, but there are places I draw a line.  And yes… My nails are blue (close up on nails below somewhere)

Discovering I was trans was the first time in my life that I ever found something that existed inside of me to be outside of my control.  My life was literally wrested away for me, or at least the life I once wanted to live before.  I wanted the American Dream.  Pfft (rolls eyes).  People who have no understanding, or no experience with it view it as a choice.  Hmm, there are choices though…  (but, not how you think )  Choice A. Drive your self into self loathing, self-destruction, anguish, pain, depression until a vile of cyanide is your drink of choice.  Choice B.  Live with it, adapt, love yourself for the diversity you represent, and inevitably live and move on with your life.

BLUE NAILS

We never asked for the pain the that comes from not knowing the joy of being a member of our birth gender. (coerced genders).  If it were possible we’d almost go to any length, sacrifice almost anything to have been born like everyone else.  But reality is reality, you can’t fight it though you can deny it to your own detriment.  My decision to live and be true to myself is as clear as the form you see standing before you.  No lie is worth your life.  All that being said, transitioning has been revealing.  It has shown both my good sides, and my bad.  It has allowed me to clean house where I once only shoved things under the rug.

I am still me, regardless of what my body looks like, regardless of the curves I now have, or of the new characteristics applied to the old.  What’s funny to me, is that all those people who don’t understand completely miss that most of the changes that happen to our body are completely chemically dependent, not a matter of genetics, or of some “predestination”.  (I still draw, I still paint, I still play music)  I am still, always have been, and always will be just that… ME.  I am not a man, that is not part of who I am.  Is Hugh Jackman and mutant with magical healing powers, and claws that protrude from his hands? (Playing a role doesn’t make you that role)

No.  Hugh Jackman is a person who played a role.  His gender is inconsequential to the role, the character he played just happened to coincide with his own. If the character he’d played had been a woman, or some other gender that doesn’t mean the actor’s gender changed.  You can pretend to be a man, but no amount of testosterone, or genes, or training, or even the biggest penis imaginable can make you a man.  Man, woman, other, neither, both, bi-gender, androgynous, gender queer; it matters not what your body looks like.  These qualities are things that come from inside, things you just know because that is who you are.  No amount of witchdoctor’s potion can make you something you aren’t, you are just you.  My gender is as deep and affirmed and as assured as they come… Is yours?   IF your gender comes from anywhere but from deep inside you, something all your own, then you need to look deeper.  Who am I?  I’m Reneta Scian.  I know who I am, the question is do you know who you are?

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There is a great rift between the transsexual and intersexed communities because of the cultural dichotomies of sex, and mostly because of the discrimination and erasure of ‘non-binary’ identities.  The perception or belief is that somehow through choice many of us with in our communities refuse to live as “Proper Men” and “Proper Women” with no regards to our unique conditions.  This applies to both transsexuals and intersexed persons.  Even within and between these two groups there is discrimination of those regards from that culturally nonsensical vitriol.  But why should we be enemies, when in all considerations these two very closely related components should be cooperative.  But when you start talking about suffering it drives a wedge of entitlement into the issue that is hard to dislodge.  Each group has claims to suffering for their unique conditions and ultimately have valid reasons to cry foul.  What, however, is not valid is the divisiveness of this diatribe between the two.  Most of us spend hours, months and years trying to define ourselves, most often depending on Wikipedia for definition.

You’d only have to look a forum away to find an intersexed person who will beat you about the head, neck, and shoulders for claiming transsexuality as anything resembling intersexuality.  This is especially true of forums that cater to the intersexed persons who “did conform” under the treatment of a physician.  These groups, like the rest of heteronormative society, are very disparaging to all who “fail to conform their genders under duress, and hormone therapies“.  If you are intersexed and transgender you are unwanted, shunned even ridiculed for the same circumstances that some of those very people experienced.  The two titles convolutes the issue greatly.  It is even present in medical literature as I have mentioned before as well as the same erasure we see of all non-binary identities.  With such a rift such mentalities are inevitable.

The intersexed community itself is divided down the same lines as our culture is…  Those who conformed to their assigned genders, and those who don’t.  It’s a newly made visible dichotomy in our culture that has for centuries tried to deny and vehemently so.  Of even those who are intersex and conform to their assigned role, many experience significant gender dysphoria though quite a few would deny it.  Also there is a community wide denial of any gender identity disorder among that community at large, in trying to make itself insular from the transgender community.  This denial is of course false, and trying to define one as different from the others.  What is ironic about this sentiment, is that it disappears when talking to some of the foremost experts in the fields of medicine surrounding them.

Dr. Milton Diamond for one believes that transsexuality is a form of intersexuality, and there is medical evidence to back up this conclusion, he also has the medical research, and experience to back up why he claims such things.  I can hear it now, the scorning voices of the intersexed persons out there who suffered through the genital mutilations of normalization therapies.  In this same token, there are many intersexed persons who never experienced this, or whose conditions were more mildly ambiguous but who are no less intersexed, or even more rare that their families didn’t consign them to corrective surgeries.  Does suffering at the hands of doctors make you more or less valid as a person, or intersexed?  Does it make your identity any less valid?  The idea that intersexed people are not like transsexuals on the basis of suffering alone (while no amount of unnecessary suffering is justifiable for any reason) this does not hold water as a justification for division.  On a whole we are both at war with the social dynamic, some of us stuck between bayonets and cannon blasts with no middle ground to stand on.

Indeed, being intersexed and transsexual both have issues that vary slightly, this in itself does not prove such a rift between the two.  The rift between the two is driven there by both the senses of entitlement to reparation for being different, and because of the cultish and obtrusiveness of heteronormative ideology.  Being transgender or intersex has no variation in validity or need despite what some may say.  If you transition as an intersexed person it is no different from transitioning as a transgender person.  There are varying legal considerations, but the overall cultural account is the same.  In fact, if you are intersexed, you are treated similarly, as you would be if you were transsexual, though I’d argue there are differences.  In the end the sex of the brain really does matter to our lives as human beings, and it is the denial of this that is the source of all of our suffering.  Why should these communities be divided, either inside or out?  The real answer is there is no reason for it.

An image that represents how I feel about gender in a pseudo 3-D representation. I see gender and sex as a multidimensional thing, and not as something that is simply a dichotomy. There is no way to define humanity itself into such a dichotomy, therefore binary gender assertions are ultimately false.

There is no reason for intersexed people to be offended by their similarities with transsexual person, and no valid entitlement because of suffering.  If you live in that frame of thought, then no amount of suffering will ever validate someone’s need.  Any argument that says that transsexuals don’t suffer and the intersexual do is going to be flat-out wrong.  I don’t see those pains as being any different, or separate or valid.  The validity of self is not based on the premise of suffering, though holding true to one’s identity in spite of suffering is admirable.  Furthermore, the definition of intersexed is much to narrow to really be inclusive of all variations of human gender and sex.  This is just how things are.  Denying the sky is blue doesn’t make it purple.  But, now you may be asking since I got through the meat of what I was presenting, why and how is this pertinent to me.

Image via Wikipedia

Well because to a degree I live between these worlds.  I have enough symptoms of intersexed characteristics to assert that I am likely one, but I am transgender so doctors refuse to take me seriously when I tell them about my condition.  I menstruate minus bleeding because I can’t.  I cycle like a woman.  Around the full moon I get tenderness in my breasts, and experience a pain near my hip bones that feels like being kicked in the genitals.  I also experience depression around the time most women are ovulating.  Since 2003 my body displayed the onset of gynecomastia, but not from obesity.  I weighed 155 lbs at 5’8″ when it started, and 165 now.  My body began “flipping” in 2008 when my body odor changed and my monthly hormonal cycles worsen, and my breast soreness started to get bad.  My body started to change shape, from androgynous to more feminine.  My emotional responses changed, as did my libido.

Even with all the signs, even blood tests with decreased testosterone and increased estrogen I couldn’t convince a doctor that something “weird” was going on.  At the time I was not considered transgender, but I felt very much that I was a woman though I kept much of that to myself.  I had fertility issues, but I wasn’t married so I had no reason to complain about it.  Eventually my endocrine disruption landed me in a psychotherapists office at which point I was diagnosed with GID.  I never got tested for it, because no one took me serious.  By that point hiding it required very strategic clothing choices, and very tight waist jeans to hide my feminine hips.  Since then my cycles have gotten much more intense as well as the menstrual like pains, and mood swings.  With no more testosterone my body makes a decent amount of its own estrogen, more than technically should.  But it’s hard to avoid getting beat up by trans and intersexed people alike for admitting this, or admitting my wish to give myself for intersexed testing.

This is something of a problem, that people believe that if you are transsexual, that getting tested is somehow validating the pathology of it.  You also get beat up by the intersexed for the perception that you are trying to claim the “supposed freedom of intersexed status” as an excuse.  In fact, there are intersexed people out there who believe like other in our culture that being transgender is all in your head.  It is all, of course, a result of the deriding and demoralizing power of sexism, that somehow you are less of a person if you aren’t of the status quo.  No sane intersexed person should support this mentality, furthermore, no transsexual person should scoff at another transsexual person who has real reason to believe there body is different beyond their gender identity.  As I feel I can attest, being intersexed has its own questions which munch on thoughts at the back of your mind.  Why am I like this, why am I different?  Not all transsexual persons out there are “looking of an easy out” by trying to declare intersexed conditions.

Image via Wikipedia

I, for one, couldn’t care less about what intersexed conditions mean about me as a person, and it makes no difference in the course I’ll take in my life.  I don’t need, nor want a justification, I just want to know why I feel how I do and the RIGHT to pursue those ends.  But that is the problem with our culture.  They tend to deny that which lies outside of the confines of their silly little binaries, whether it be my boobs, my menstrual-like cycles, or my gender identity.  Even with all my symptoms, and even validated with in-depth medical testing, you aren’t guaranteed an intersexed diagnosis, much less so insurance coverage for such or fertility treatments to allow you the same privilege as cisgendered infertile people.  Indeed, it would almost seem as though our culture has a want to be very “eugenic” about allowing the “others” to reproduce.  It is not the pathological or biological method by which people are transsexual or intersexed, nor testing that searches for them that needs scrutiny, but the cultural perception that such people are unfavorable and should be denied the rights entitled to other human beings (including right to life).

Transsexuals who get tested aren’t transgressing transness by seeking such testing, or for the pathologization of all who “fail to conform to normalization” to include intersexed.  It is our culture and our mentalities about sex and gender that are truly blameworthy for this great rift that lies between the two, not those who seek to understand the cause of our conditions.  In a culture that wasn’t so entangled in its denial getting tested would be socially inconsequential and medically helpful.  Ignorance is no excuse for maintaining practices which discriminate against others.  No one has the right to declare who lives and dies on the basis of their preference or their gender or lack of definable gender.  It is no different from the murder of female babies in India and China because female children are less valuable.  Transsexuals aren’t deplorable for simply by declaring their similarities with those who are intersexed.  As with anything, transsexuality is little more than another variation of standard models of sex, and comes with it its own suffering as great and can be greater than the intolerance and discrimination shown to intersexed people.  It is time for these communities to stop letting those binaryists, and conformists tell us how we should live our lives, or who we should live it as.  The transsexual and intersexed people of the world have a lot to gain by uniting more and a lot to lose by not doing so.  Remember, some transgender people are symptomatic, and others are not… Just as some intersexed people are, and in my opinion both of which have biological origins.  It’s time for us to shatter the entitlement via suffering, otherwise we all lose.

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Update:  I concede that perhaps I don’t know enough on this issue to represent it on all sides.  But that is part of what blogging is about or at least to me.  It’s more than a wall you bounce your words off, it’s more interactive.  There is a lot more to this issue that what I can possibly represent from what I know about it.  It is something I have spent a good deal of time researching (though sometimes there is little to be had on certain topics), but it is pretty clear that perhaps we are not at a point where we can make a “Call to Arms” to unite these groups.  That being said, I should boil down the inspiration of this blog to what it means.  I am against the dichotomization of groups for no other reasons than the cultural state of mind.  Where this plays in to me is the denial and erasure of intersexed people who transition, and the denial and erasure of the need of some transgendered people to receive treatment and testing for intersexed conditions.  These conditions aren’t exclusive, being one doesn’t prohibit the other.

Also, I am against the way the medical establishment treats these groups.  Their positions tend to be medical normalization focused without regards to the patient, and very surgery heavy in goals.  This is because it is perceived to be a “bad thing” or “culturally unacceptable” to exist between the gender binary sex constructs so often endorsed, especially here in westernized cultures.  Many people can’t afford to get surgeries, and many others are forced into unnecessary ones.  This needs to change, and I think it is a valid point of focus for both the intersexed and transgendered communities.  Like many others I also would disagree with the position and inclusion in the DSM-IV of intersexed conditions, I also disagree with the inclusion of transsexuals.  I do admit that treatment for people with GID is necessary, and intersexed people can suffer gender dysphoria as well, I don’t believe it should be targeted at transgendered people as a mental disorder.  It only serves to stigmatize.

I feel it should be labeled and codified as a medical condition (note: still independent of intersexed conditions) and live firmly in the realm of medicine.  Not everyone who is transgendered has gender dysphoria, or has trouble dealing with it.  Transgenderism/Transsexuality is not a mental illness as is prescribed by some, nor is the need of some intersexed people to transition a “failure to conform to treatment”.  I also resent the idea that intersexed or transgendered people “need” to be normalized, unless of course they ask for it themselves.  I am resistant to the idea that transgender people aren’t “real men” and “real women”, as do I resist other categorizations being forced on people.  I also feel that every opportunity for medical transition needs to be granted equally to all intersexed people as well.  It is my sincerest wish to see a world where gender isn’t forced upon us by a majority, that all people regardless of status and medical condition have a choice over their body based on what they need.  This I feel is something all of us can strive toward as a whole, not just intersexed and transgender people.

Lastly, I understand that my hormonal status before transition, physical pains, hormonal cycles and body proportions don’t in and of themselves necessarily guarantee that an intersexed condition is the cause.  There are certainly other and rare conditions that can contribute to what I experienced (from body changes to hormonal interventions, et cetera).  The main reason I even care is because of the pain, and issues it produces.  Honestly, the possibility frightens me because I don’t want to lose access to treatment because of it.  I want to know, and I don’t.  Finding the cause seems important enough, but it makes it no less scary.  I really don’t have anything else to say on this topic, accept that I concede that I am not an expert, and I can only speak from my unique position.  I do not, and can not speak for others on this issue, as I am neither a doctor, nor a scientist.  It is the negotiator in me that hates to see division and always searches for common ground.  I can assert certain things I know, but I don’t know everything.

Image via CrunchBase

I don’t usually make links to my YouTube channel for blogging, and updates, but I felt this was an important one to re-post.  In this video I spend a few minutes talking about how there is a cultural tendency to think in black and white terms, as well as the “Conformity as the Expert” way of thinking.  It refers to the tendency of society to stereotype, and give advice to GLBT people from a heteronormative bias.  That, “When your different, everyone is an expert on you, and what is good for you.”  I have talked about it before, but this subject was one coming up in my blog routine that I decided to do in video form verses word blog form.  I hope all enjoy, and if you have any comments or thought on my video please leave comments and thank you for watching, and subscribing to those of you in my humble but small group of viewers.  Take care and thanks a bunch.

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Androgynous Woman, or women who have masculine characteristics or expressions. (Left) Neve Campbell (Middle) Unknown (Right) Noomi Rapace

Androgyny in women is still scorned, and to many degrees it differs from society’s ideas of beauty.  Few people can pull of androgynous without flack in our society unless they are gorgeously androgynous.  Androgyny though, can actually rate against someones attractiveness as a woman.  When taking test to find what types of faces I find attractive, I found mens faces more attractive when they were more feminized, and womens faces when they were more masculinized.  It is indeed so that androgyny does have a place in high fashion, especially in Europe.  However, there is still a wide array of issues in our culture with androgyny because of things like sexism.  It is the cultural belief that you must look a certain way as a man, and a another as a woman.  Also, the standards of what qualifies as feminine beauty in it are also wholly unrealistic.  Even the most unassuming people can be victims of its infectious nature.  For a woman to be masculine is equated to being butch, mean, sometimes homosexuality, aggressive and less attractive to the opposite sex.  For a man to be feminine is equated to being weak, submissive, homosexuality, a sissy, perverted, and as being less attractive to the opposite sex.  Men can also be androgynous, but it is an identity that garners much more scrutiny for men.

Androgynous Men, or men who have feminine characteristics or expressions. (Left) Andrej Pejic (Middle) Justin Bieber (Right) Hyde

Too many degrees the issue with androgyny in our culture among some revolves around the sexualization of androgyny, and other forms of gender rebellion, gender variant persons and behaviors.  There is a tendency of the media to sexualize, or sensationalize transgender, transsexuals, or other forms of non-binary gender presentation.  Because of this and rampant homophobia and transphobia it becomes an issue of discrimination to be different from the sexists idea of male and female.  This is because people are hypersexual, and many aspects of our culture revolve around sex.  With that being true, there is a heteronormative expectation among some men that the feel they are entitled to sex with women, and as such entitled to be free of those women being transsexual.  It’s a product of both homophobia and transphobia, coupled with the sexist mentality that bring about this.  As a culture therefore, the femininity in males is scorned, and deplored, but not because it is genuinely wrong to be feminine as a male, but because of the sexuality of society.  Some people have no choice about their femininity, and no one has choice over their gender identities.  It’s wrong to discriminate against someone for something that is inherent to who they are as a person.  We are all different, and we should be embracing that diversity and not scorning it.  Androgyny and beauty aren’t always equated to one another, but the airbrushed beauty of the media world is not a realistic, or achievable standard for femininity or masculinity in real human beings.

Androgynous me, or me in a picture showing both my masculinity and femininity in one image. (Left) Pre-transition (Middle) Pre-Hormone Replacement (Right) 1+ Year of Hormone Replacement.

Opinion may vary, and people may have very deeply rooted personal reasons to say that those like us look male, female or in between.  However, I feel it is reasonable to assert that I am androgynous, and that I have and will always be so.  I state that proudly, because I am happy about my androgyny, and I will not erase that, or apply false dichotomies of gender to that to make me fit the binaryist mentality of today.  I have recently as a person come to accept the blend of masculine and feminine that is me, and it brings me joy with which I will not be parted.  No longer in my life will I be made to feel shame for not meeting the standards others place on me, nor will I bend to the opinions of others without evidence supporting such claims.  I once was blow about the breeze by those who sought to place me into little boxes, but no longer.  I am free to be me.  That being said though, I really hope that one day the human race gives up on making such trivial divisions among us, and embrace each other for who they are.  Human Beings.  I don’t think we can grow as a culture or as a race until we let go of these divisive thoughts about who is who, and what is what.  I am totally for learning about the world, but why make a division where there is none on its own?  Men are men because they know themselves to be men, and women are women because they know themselves to be women.  For each one of us who is not them, I think it’s fair to take them as they present themselves, to accept their identity and not try to impress ours upon them.  But until then, to all my gender variant brothers, sisters, neithers, and kindred spirits be well.  Let your hearts be like Teflon so that no label but those you choose yourself stick.

Related articles

• How to Enhance Communication between the Sexes: The Androgynous Bridge – Part 1 (psychologytoday.com)
• Man or Woman? Fashion’s Recurring Obsession With Androgynous Models (fabsugar.com)
• Are You Still Interested in Androgynous Models? (fabsugar.com)
• Ask Reneta: Gender Conversations with Mx. Punk (renetaxian.wordpress.com)
• i don’t believe in sex (rainbowgenderpunk.wordpress.com)
• is being trans being sexist? (rainbowgenderpunk.wordpress.com)
• Beyond Male and Female: Gender Trouble, Biology Trouble. (queeringthechurch.com)
• offhand transphobia (rainbowgenderpunk.wordpress.com)
• Contemplating who I am… (renetaxian.wordpress.com)
• Combating Children’s “Confusion” on Sexual Orientation, Gender Diversity (queeringthechurch.com)

I drew a X-mas tree for all to see... MUAHAHAHA! Mew :3 I don't have a normal awesome art program at the moment so I did this in Microsoft Paint. LOLZ :3

I guess with it being the holiday season I figured this was a subject worth tackling, as well as some other related issues.  Being GLBT around the holidays can be one of the most depressing, disappointing, and even the most dangerous time of year for your mental health.  Many of us end up cut off from the family and friends networks we enjoyed before coming out, especially for those of us who came out as adults.  The holiday seasons for us is often a cold reminder of how fucked up people can be.  I am limited and cut off to many degrees, and can really kill the joy the holiday seasons can have.  Thinking about not being able to visit family over hatred, or thinking about not being able to step foot in your hometown for fear of discrimination, oppression, even violence can make you down on its own.  Yes, the holidays, especially Christmas can be a poignant reminder of how unfriendly the world is if you are GLBT.  It affects you and whomever your partner may be.  There are many places as a GLBT couple that you can’t go as a couple and be treated with respect, and as always you must take special considerations when you go on vacations.

As a transgender person, I especially understand how scary that can be.  Many states still don’t have laws protecting my status, and as such I am reluctant to go any place without such provisions.  It’s a very insular sensation to think about how frightful it is to travel to other states considering the prospects of being assaulted or arrested with no resources for using public accommodation.  Although I am sure there are some with differing opinions, I am sure that most people don’t think twice about my gender there is still a risk.  I am lucky in those regards that I pass okay enough to make most people reluctant to call it, if they even notice.  People often over-estimate how much people are paying attention, but unless you are drawing undue attention to yourself you could have bright red hair and not have people clock you.  However, this isn’t true for everyone and goes far beyond just transgender people.  Many gay, lesbian, and bisexual people have “non-traditional” images of gender that could make them a target.  I have heard of butch lesbians getting pulled aside for questioning for using the women’s restroom, and other things of the sort.  I may be transgender, but I think my form of gender expression is rather “average” but for less intentional reasons.  I like long hair, getting my nails done et cetera so I have a pretty typical gender expression though I tend to see it as just being idiosyncratic.

Winter can be the lonely season waiting for the spring. Winter is the time of the year we need the ones we love the most. Personally, I'd say it's the most difficult time of the year to be alone.

I don’t dress how I do to fit it, though to some degrees I dress to fit my body type.  Anyhow, the point is that GLBT people have particularly hard times around the holidays, whether it be a result of family ties, or social grievances.  Heteronormative culture that is supported by cissexism, and heterosexism often remains unaware of the harm it causes to anyone who is different.  So I guess, to a degree it is easy to understand how some of us could be rather (Grinch-like) around the holidays.  Many of us lose entire networks of friends, and the freedom to visit family who disapprove of our “choices” that aren’t a choice.  Facing the holidays alone was the hardest thing I have ever done since transitioning.  I do have people who care about me that holiday visits can occur with, many of which are no less family to me, but you still experience the loss when the holidays come around.  There is nothing that can really fill that void left by people who dissent with the person they see you as, verses who you are.  As a result depression, anxiety, even substance abuse can spike around the holidays for GLBT persons.  It’s all the more important why each person needs a support network around the holidays, mainly to mitigate the stresses that seem so much greater when you are GLBT around major holidays you are accustomed to celebrating.

Support networks can make the difference between a bad holiday season, and one filled with light and joy.  But building a support net isn’t always easy to do, or available to all.  It’s why as a community GLBT person need to band together, because knowing how isolated our brothers and sisters can be can give us the opportunity to have a profound impact on the lives of other GLBT persons.  It is all the more crucial that we are there for each other on these cold winter nights, as friends and family to those who have lost so much.  Not every story or situation is the same, but each person can do their part to help bring the joy back to the holidays for those who suffer along side them in a world that doesn’t understand them.  GLBT centers can be a good source of support for those with little support elsewhere to give them that little emotional boost through the potential emotional turmoil faced by GLBT people, especial during the holidays.  I know how difficult it can be, and why such things are helpful more than you know.

Nothing says happy holiday like a Cat-in-a-box! Makes me really want a kitty, and that makes me sad. Stupid Apartment complex and the "No Pets" rule. Mmm, grr.

Also discrimination can hit particularly hard during the holiday season, everything from discrimination during the holiday shopping, to being treated poorly while X-mas shopping with your loved ones.  It hits hardest this time of year because it can really take the wind out of your sails of holiday spirit.  Discrimination is hardly gone in our world, and the religious can sometimes take particular zeal in making GLBT feel bad over the holidays.  Some people may be non-religious, but celebrate Christmas or something similar out of tradition and receive backlash for it from others, and from the religious.  Before I had time in transition, my hair grown out, and a decent amount of hormone therapy under my belt X-mas shopping was rather, tedious.  People could more easily tell, and as a result were more reluctant to help me, or show me “too much” courtesy, and I could tell they were doing it.  Also evangelists can be particularly annoying this time of year, as they are more convinced than normal that it is their “RIGHT” to “SAVE” you, though you don’t need it.  All of this contributes to the feelings of alienation and isolation that makes the holidays hard on GLBT people.

So if you know and support a GLBT person in your life either as a brother, sister, other, or just someone compassionate to their plight I urge you to open your hearts to them.   Do something nice to help them feel the spirit of this holiday season.  Even if they decline, or just don’t feel that holiday spirit this season its good to know that someone cares.  Both as a community and as fellow human beings just show your compassion for those who aren’t so fortunate, who are isolated and alone simply for being who they are.  And with that, I wish all my GLBT Seasons greeting to my brothers and sisters out there and I hope that all of you can have a great holiday season.

Related articles

• Clinton’s Call for Worldwide GLBT Human Rights (timesunion.com)
• Reaching Out to GLBT Youth Without Creepiness: a Promotional Question (joeymanley.com)
• Student Non Discrimination Act Needed to Protect Glbt Youth From Bullying (dgsma.wordpress.com)